My new life
As of today I am 35 days sober. I attend group classes every Mon. Tues.& Thurs. At A.S.A.P. and we learned the difference between the words; clean, and sober. There is a very big difference. I went through ridiculously dark days, where I thought I knew who myself was, I thought I loved the life I lived, the excitement, the attention, the money, the high’s. But it was all just a pretend world I was living in. It makes me sad how lost I truly was. I feel good, I feel amazing, I feel pure again. Because drugs and drinking and the black market take away your innocence without your permission. I knew I had a problem and that is why I hid it, I hid it good. But then one day I got careless and decided to do a line too much. I looked in the mirror and didn’t see myself in the reflection, I saw the drug. The thing it had made me, and so I came to the only people I knew who would truly help me. God and My family. After I took the first step I made a promise to God that I would Never step back. I’ve changed my phone number, deleted all using “friends” and have thrown them and the negative things out of my life. I could go on with adjectives and what not trying to describe exactly how I feel, but it is impossible. I’ve never been this happy in my life. I have NOTHING to lie about, and it feels amazing. I have such a closer relationship with my mom and family it literally brings tears to my eyes, and God? I feared you. I feared you so much, of your judgement, laws, love, wrath, everything. I felt that, out of everything I have done, after all these lies, and sins, and deceit I have committed, how could you ever forgive me? How could I ever find the words to take back my actions and thoughts? I do not have a dad, but I do have a heavenly Father. And just like a little girl afraid of getting in trouble with her father, I was scared. But then I read this; EZEKIEL 19:21-22. And I cried. I finally understood. Even if I spent the rest of my life begging for your forgiveness, it would never be good enough, and thats why I felt that way. In order to be forgiven you have to ask for your forgiveness and replace your wrong doings with righteous actions, to make up for everything you have done, in a simpler way of saying. And God as my witness, that is what I have been doing for the past 35 days. I am not a new person, but finally the person I always wanted to be, and the young woman God had intended on me being. Every day is another opportunity to redeem yourself. and I thank God and my Family for this strength I have burning in my heart.
